Question 1

I have just been raped/sexually assaulted - what should I do?

Accepted Answer

Tell someone you know and trust what has happened. Alternatively you can contact the centre and we will provide you with a confidential space, information and time for you to decide how you want to proceed. We respect your right of choose whether you want to report the crime or not.
 
You may wish to take the morning after pill in order to protect against pregnancy, therefore you will need to see a doctor. A medical examination is important to detect injury, and possible protection against STI’s. This is advisable even if you do not wish to report.
If you are able and wish to report the assault to the Gardai we will provide you with assistance. The Gardai can arrange for you to visit a doctor or hospital.
 
Remember, the crime has been committed against you and it was not your fault. Only you can decide when the time is right for you to talk to somebody.

With the help of accredited professionals specialising in this area counselling can enable people to reclaim their lives–:
 
By opening up and talking about the abuse;
By experiencing and expressing their deepest feelings;
By challenging beliefs, assumptions and behaviours; and
By gradually making sense out of the chaos.
The process of recovery from rape and sexual abuse will allow the possibility of a full and healthy life.
 
If you have been affected by sexual violence, you can contact the Athlone (Midland) Rape Crisis Centre for counselling and support. Our telephone number is free phone 1800 306 600.

Question 2

What is rape and sexual assault?

Accepted Answer

Rape is a crime. It is a vicious attack of violence, anger and control.
 
Rape and Sexual assault are unique crimes. They are not just physical assaults - but a violation of Physical, Psychological, Social and Spiritual boundaries. Sexual assault has nothing to do with sex, it is a violent crime. The initial crime can have a long-term emotional and psychological impact. The person is often left holding feelings of shame, guilt and self-blame.
 
Rape is a crime which is committed predominantly by men mostly against women and girls but also against boys and other men. There can be specific consequences such as sexually transmitted infections (STIs) such as HIV infection and pregnancy.
In most cases, the rapist is known to the person. He may be a friend, a workmate, a relative or a partner. Many rapes occur in the person’s own home or that of the perpetrator – therefore the crime is often a huge betrayal of trust as the person is raped where he /she considered to be a safe place.
 
The Legal Definition of Rape
There are four categories of sexual offences.
 
Rape: ‘Unlawful sexual intercourse with a woman who, at the time of intercourse, does not consent to it, where the man knows she does not consent… or that he is reckless as to whether she does not consent to it’.
Rape Under Section 4: A sexual assault that includes ‘penetration (however slight) of the anus or mouth by a penis, or penetration (however slight) of the vagina by any object held or manipulated by another person’
Aggravated Sexual Assault: A sexual attack that involves serious violence or causes grave injury, humiliation or degradation to the victim.
Sexual Assault: A sexual attack with a less serious level of violence

Question 3

How can rape and sexual assault affect you?

Accepted Answer

Immediate: Physical trauma, shock, withdrawal, (frozen), panic and confusion; terror; inappropriately calm and rational; irrational behaviour; dwelling on details; recurrent intrusive thoughts; sleeplessness; denial; hypervigilence; or, obsessive washing.
 
Long Term: Mood swings, self-blame/guilt; shame; fear and anxiety; loss of trust (especially with men); sexual difficulties; development of addictions; depression; and, flashbacks.
Remember, the crime has been committed against you and it was not your fault

Question 4

What is child sexual abuse?

Accepted Answer

Child sexual abuse is the involvement of a child in sexual activities for the sexual gratification of an adult or someone significantly older or bigger than the child. It is called incest if it happens between family members.
 
Child sexual abuse should not be confused with normal healthy physical contact. Responsible adults exchange physical contact with a child in a loving manner while maintaining a warm and affectionate relationship.
 
Both men and women sexually abuse children but the majority of known perpetrators are men. Perpetrators of abuse appear to be trustworthy people coming from all backgrounds, and are often respected members of society. In the majority of cases, the offender is someone who is known to the child, e.g. parents, relatives, neighbours, friends etc.

Sexual abuse can be physical, verbal or emotional and can include the following:
Exposing a child or teenagers to adult sexual activity or pornographic movies or photographs;
Getting a child or teenager to pose, undress or perform in a sexual fashion;
Fondling a child or teenager's genitals or making them fondle the offender’s; or
Actual or attempted penetration of the child or teenager's vagina, mouth or anus, with an object or with the offender’s fingers or penis.
If you have experienced sexual abuse as a child, help is available - contact us today.

Question 5

How can child sexual abuse affect you?

Accepted Answer

The effects of sexual abuse can vary greatly from one case to the next and can include a loss of trust, poor self-esteem, a sense of betrayal and confusion in relation to sexuality.
 
Children often blame themselves for what has happened to them. Because of the level of trust the children have in the adult, it is easy for them to be tricked into sexual activity. Perpetrators know this and take advantage of the vulnerabilities in children. Children may or may not feel what is happening is wrong and are often tricked or coerced into secrecy by the offender.
 
Sometimes the effects of abuse can remain with the person for the rest of their lives. They may live with low self-esteem – often with a disgust about themselves and what has happened. They may find it extremely hard to trust enough to form a loving relationship.
 
Some people who have been abused can hide it very well from the outside world. They may appear to be living a normal, contented life. In reality, people may live with the impact of abuse for years trying to make sense of what has happened.
 
If you suspect or know of a child who is being sexually abused, contact the Director of Community Care in your HSE area. A social worker will evaluate the situation and take appropriate action.
 
Secrecy perpetuates abuse.
 
People who have been sexually abused may not talk about what has happened for years and some people may never talk about it. This can leave the person trapped in a place of fear and shame. It protects the abuser and allows them to continue what they are doing.
 
If you have been affected by sexual violence, you can contact the Athlone (Midland) Rape Crisis Centre for counselling and support. Our telephone number is Freephone 1800 306 600.

Question 6

What is incest?

Accepted Answer

Incest is sexual intercourse or other sexual acts such as fondling, molestation, exhibitionism and sexual abuse, either physical or emotional, when it occurs between family members.
 
It can affect both males and females and more than one member of the family can be abused.

It is not, and should not be confused with, the normal physical affectionate contact which is essential in a loving family relationship.

Sexual abuse happens in families of every social and economic background and the perpetrators of the abuse are often in other ways normal, upstanding members of society. Though women do offend, the majority of known perpetrators are men. The abusers can be parents, grandparents, step-parents, uncles and brothers etc. They are all people with whom the person would have a trusting relationship. Children are particularly trusting making it easy for them to be tricked into sexual activity. Perpetrators know this and take advantage of these vulnerabilities. Children may or may not feel that what is happening to them is wrong, but are often tricked or convinced into secrecy by the offender. Children don’t tell for various reasons - fear, threats that they or someone else they love will be harmed if they tell, fear of not being believed or fear of getting a perpetrator whom they love into trouble. Sometimes the only ‘loving’ contact the child has is the abusive contact and they may not want to lose this. Sometimes the young child does not realise that what is occurring is wrong until later on in life.
 
The person affected by an incestuous relationship is often afraid to tell because of the disruption and stigma the revelation may cause to the family unit e.g. Daddy may have to live somewhere else or the children may be taken into care. Incest can become the family secret. Incestuous behaviour can carry on from one generation to the next e.g. father abuses daughter and then goes on to abuse granddaughter. Sometimes the entire family may need counselling in order to break the cycle.
 
Fear perpetuates secrecy, secrecy perpetuates abuse. Effects
 
Loss of trust – it can be difficult for victims who have been abused to trust enough to form close relationships.
They may have low self-esteem and may have difficulty with schoolwork or job performance. Alternatively, they can become super achievers. They can become obsessive about being the best – top of the class, top achiever in the workplace etc.
They can be hypervigilent – like a frightened deer watching out for predators.
They may bury the memory of the abuse which may then surface years later possibly at some emotional time in their lives e.g. following marriage, the birth of a baby, or even coverage of sexual abuse on a T.V programme or in a newspaper.
They may suffer from flashbacks in which memories of the abuse can surface suddenly, often triggered by a smell or sensation. Flashbacks can be very frightening, but they can be a sign that the trauma is coming to the surface, and hopefully some healing can occur. This is a time when professional support can be valuable. 
People who are survivors of sexual abuse are indeed people with a lot of courage, strength and bravery whether they realise it or not. It takes courage to confront what has happened to you and a lot of support is needed while you are doing this. With the help of counselling, people can talk about the abuse and, by experiencing and expressing their deepest feelings, can gradually make sense of the chaos, so that hopefully they can learn to trust and let go of the past so that they may have a full and healthy life.
It is important to understand that only the person themselves can decide if and when they are ready to talk about their abuse.
 
If you have been affected by sexual violence, you can contact the Athlone (Midland) Rape Crisis Centre for counselling and support. Our telephone number is free phone 1800 306 600.

Question 7

What is sexual harassment?

Accepted Answer

Sexual Harassment is defined in the 1998 Employment Acts as ‘Unwanted physical intimacy, requests for sexual favours, any other act including spoken words, gestures or the production, display or circulation of written words, pictures or material if the act, request or conduct is unwelcome, and could be reasonably regarded as sexual, otherwise on gender ground, offensive, humiliating or intimidating’. [Section 23.3]

In other words, it is behaviour that is unwelcome and is offensive and can have the effect of embarrassing, frightening or hurting someone. It can range from jokes or remarks with sexual overtones, the display of explicit images, requests for sexual favours for job advancement, unwelcome physical contact to actual sexual assault. It can be ongoing and can seriously affect a person’s ability to perform their work with dignity.
 
Common Excuses
 
The girl who worked here before never minded;
It was just a bit of harmless fun;
She/he was asking for it;
She/he is too sensitive; and/or
It was a joke.
It is no joke to anyone who is on the receiving end of sexual harassment.
 
Who is affected by harassment?
 
Men and women working in all kinds of jobs can be affected by sexual harassment. It is not confined to any special areas of employment, but can happen anywhere and at any level of employment. In many cases it is the dominance of the more powerful over those seemingly weaker, either professionally or economically. It should be remembered that incidents occurring outside the workplace e.g. at office parties or in the car park etc, may also constitute sexual harassment. It can also consist of one serious incident but it is mostly on-going.
 
The Effects of Sexual Harassment
 
Many people find it difficult to report, often feeling that they are in a powerless position, that they may lose their job or not get a promotion;
They fear that they may not be believed or understood;
They can suffer from stress related illness, panic attacks, sleep disturbances and poor work performance; and 
It can make the person’s life a misery.

Question 8

I am experiencing sexual harassment - what should I do?

Accepted Answer

Tell the harasser that their behaviour is unwelcome and ask them to stop.
Keep a diary of the incidents.
Report the matter to your employer or someone in authority. According to the Employment Equality Act 1998, employers may be liable for the sexual harassment of the employee by another employee, or by a business contact, client or a customer.
Get advice from the Equality Authority. If having reported harassment to the employer, the person is still unhappy with the outcome, or if the employer is the person responsible for the harassment and there are no other procedures they can use, legal action can be taken; and
If you need counselling or support in dealing with this issue you can contact the Athlone (Midland) Rape Crisis Centre.
 
An employee should be free to carry out his/her work with dignity and respect.

Question 9

Reaction to rape and sexual violence

Accepted Answer

Every person who experiences rape or sexual violence will react in a different way, which will vary according to your background and past experiences. There is no right or wrong way to feel and no set time for when you should be feeling better so do not worry. 
 
We are here to help you recover and feel better so get in touch with us to find out more.